hey all,
What a weird day! I woke up this morning and found that I just couldn't make myself get out of bed to go to the stupid training for my part time job. After a couple hours, I finally convinced myself to go over to their office and hand in all my teaching materials that they'd given me. Officially, I was supposed to work from today until Friday, but I'd really had enough of this company and felt like I was trapped in some insidious net.
I just had to get out of it somehow, so I gave them gave their materials, and sent them a letter of resignation. I guess I could have used the extra money from the 4 days of work that I'll be skipping, but I'd already done the math and I should get by without it.
After that, I went over to Rikugien, which is a public garden near Ikebukero, and just tried to get my head straight. Why can't I seem to find a good company? Why doesn't my own company offer higher pay or other benefits? And then on to the deeper questions: Where did my patience and appreciation go for all things Japanese? When I turn on the TV, I find TV shows where a panel of Japanese people don fake over-sized latex noses and speak really broken stupid sounding Japanese. Why? Because they're making fun of foreigners. There's a McDonald's commercial which features a similar dumb sounding foreigner, and of course I often catch my students doing the "I'm a dumb foreigner" Japanese accent. I love the food, the artwork, and the mountains here. But why am I living in a country that has so little regard for foreigners?
How am I supposed to succeed in the face of this kind of system? I found myself thinking that if I went back to the US, maybe it would be a one-way trip. After all, why come back to this country where I'm loved so little, except perhaps by one person. I guess there are three points that I'd lose out on, since I'm not sure how to answer them. First, if I go back to the US, what job would I do? Second, where would I go? Lastly, what about my girlfriend?
Cheers,
