hey all,
So things are...exactly the same, if not worse than when I last wrote. I still don't know where, or for what company I'll be working next year, don't know about my living situation (which is dependent on my work situation), and Michi and I are still...I don't know what we are.
However, I'm not in a constant state of anxiety anymore. I've been reaching out and cornering anyone who might help me, or just let me vent some steam and rant a bit. I've managed to keep relatively busy at work, which has also helped keep my mind off my problems. I mentioned that I committed to taking the JLPT test, so I've been printing out sample test questions for different levels, reading about how and when to register and all those glorious time consuming details. I started hitting the Japanese again, and my writing ability has improved quite a bit. I also started another round of applications, for all the good that the past ones have done me.
As I've mentioned in some of my emails to some of you, part of the problem was just thinking about these things ALL AT ONCE, and realizing that I couldn't fix any of it right now. That my future was not entirely in my own hands, but dependent on: my company, which is a pack of...I can't even go there; other companies that may accept or reject my applications; and a host of other ifs, on the other hands, and other imponderables.
As for Michi, God knows I like her, but...I can't get into that either. I feel like this weekend will be some kind of crucible: either we'll come out of it stronger, together, or I (at least) will have learned some valuable life lessons, found out more about what I need (and don't need) from a partner, and be ready to move on.
The stage for this momentous event is our usual dinner & a movie date. I've organized another rock climbing event for this Sunday, and starting Monday, there is some kind of running practice just before school starts that I decided I'd join my teachers and students in. I need to catch an earlier train in order to attend, but I've been going to bed early lately so I don't think it should be a problem.
Cheers,
